Vicki Dau (00:01.624)
Hey there! Hello! It's Tom and Vicki and we are here to talk about faith, spirituality, religion, and just see if any of this resonates with you. Feel free to make a comment if you've had a different experience or if any of this helped you. We would love that. One of the things that, and you probably have already heard this, but kind of a big difference between, I don't know, faith,
spirituality and religion is faith is like a belief in something like a higher power. For us it's God, but some people believe in the universe or some other type of higher power. And faith is very personal, right? Correct. Religion is not personal. Religion is the practice, the stuff that you can be involved in.
Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's not so the way you practice your faith, feel like. Religion is the method in how your faith is practiced, how your spirituality is practiced. Things that can affect our faith, it's all about experience. And depending on what your experience was,
in your household growing up or in your growing up experience and if God was talked about or not, if faith was encouraged or not, if events contributed to your belief in God or against him, all of those. would say they did. It's how did they events definitely did. You were always impacted. Okay. Okay.
How did events impact you? Okay, true, true, true. And what happens is when we have an experience, we create beliefs. So whatever beliefs that you created around God or higher power will affect you for the rest of your life. And so we just wanted to bring some up. And I wanted to share a little bit of my story, or my story.
Vicki Dau (02:25.73)
to just illustrate some things that have really shifted for me as a survivor and taking my power back.
I was born and raised Catholic and I did enjoy it. Just a real interjection here though, but even though she was brought up Catholic and we're Catholic now, this goes some of the things we say go across the board for for religions period, whatever they are. It's not just Catholicism. It's Christianity. It's you know, it's Baptist. Yeah, right. A lot of what we say goes across the board. OK.
So I was born and raised Catholic and I did enjoy the community aspect of that. I went to Catholic school from fourth grade to eighth grade. And then when I was in high school, I met a Baptist friend. She actually became my best friend for the rest of my life. And she invited me to an event at her church and they talked about accepting Jesus as your personal savior. And if you didn't do that, if you didn't say those words,
that you were going to hell and I remember going home and members of my family were very troubled like because I was freaking out and but the cool thing about that is I had a very conversion experience in just laying sleeping not sleeping because I wouldn't have been thinking but laying in bed at night thinking my my life doesn't have to be dictated by my experiences it's I can control
how I react to those experiences using the power of God. And so that was a really powerful shift for me and really cool. as I got through, after high school, I became active working in the church and youth minister and helping with retreats and everything. Here's the irony of that experience for me.
Vicki Dau (04:31.298)
I was asked to do a talk on hope and I was looking up Bible verses about hope and whatever. At the same time, I was really in a dark place mentally and I was thinking about killing myself. Yet I was asked to do a talk on hope. I guess maybe that was... That's because you're real good at... I'm hiding. are master actor. Yeah. Absolutely. But also could it have been...
a way for me to explore the hope that is in there that I wasn't seeing. we raised our kids in the Catholic faith. They went to the same school I did. went through, you know, preschool through eighth grade. Tom became a Catholic after our first baby was born. our kids were going to start getting to school, when our oldest was going to start school.
and we decided that it was going to be at the Catholic school, I felt and shared with Vicki, what are you doing? You're picking your neck. you're picking it. Stop. As our oldest was getting ready to go to school to start school. Are you sitting up straight? Because if you I'm just looking. Wow, we don't have to. I'm comfortable. I mean, I'm doing what I always do. Is that better? Yes. As I was.
As our oldest was getting ready to start school and we decided that it was going to be Catholic school, parochial school, that I felt because at the time I was Lutheran that I ought to fully embrace the faith path that we were putting our kids on. And so I went through the process of becoming Catholic and joined the Catholic Church. yeah, it was.
We went through RCIA together, kind of the training for people who are becoming Catholic. We learned a lot. I learned a lot, you know, being what we call a cradle crack, being a cradle Catholic. I learned all this stuff that I never knew before. And, but I never, ever, ever questioned authority. That was a big deal for me. I never let myself have choices in certain areas. Everything was black and white. Do or don't. Yeah. And.
Vicki Dau (06:54.518)
I was always hard on myself, critical of other people. I just remember having kind of that state. I actually remember going to confession once when I was a mother of like four or five children and confessing that I didn't volunteer for a certain activity at church. And he said, Vicki, perhaps that message wasn't meant for you. He said, you have a lot on your plate. And he was very empathic.
And so I really feel like that was the difficulty I had of discerning. You weren't even allowed to discern. that, you know, the not being allowed to think for myself. So everybody that had a message I had to internalize. church says church does. That's how we lived. And so that was a lot to overcome.
I did enjoy the traditions there, the ceremony of things. Like I loved, I loved the, you know, having our kids lite the advent candles, you know, and at Christmas Eve, they would bring up little baby Jesus and put him in the manger. And I really enjoyed that. And people actually would come up to us because we were Saturday night people. oftentimes for you that
people that don't know, you have like a favorite mass, like you often go to and you sit in a similar area and whatever. And so we would actually have people come up to us and talk about like, we've loved watching your family grow up, that, you know, they would sit in the back of the church, but here comes the Dau's and up, they got another one and up, they got another one and up, she's pregnant again. And you know, all of that, but it was a lot of community and
Also part of what our history was is he worked for the church. He worked for the church that we went to. 15 years. Yeah. And so he saw a lot of, he saw and we were experienced. Like any job when you see what goes on in the back room, it's not always pleasant. Right. And so that started affecting how we viewed things. And I really struggled with the Old Testament version of God, the wrath of God.
Vicki Dau (09:19.154)
I read the whole Bible at one point and I was horribly traumatized. Horribly traumatized by what was in there and the beatings and people left to die and the judgment and the... It was awful for me. Awful. Still is. Yeah, like I don't want to... I... Yeah, it's like... don't go there. No, I don't. Recently...
I had a reunion with my eighth grade graduating class from Catholic school and we were, you know, reminiscing about some experiences and laughing and joking. And after a while I said, you know, you guys were laughing about all this, but some of the stuff we're laughing about, they would actually like go to jail right now for if they did what they did back then. And I said, I don't know about you, but I've been through therapy with some of the stuff I went through. And one of my friends, my
fellow graduates, he made a comment that him and another classmate almost were sexually abused by one of the priests that was convicted back when of being a molester. And he was able to not be. But he was like this close. I know this goes on in
other denominations. It's not just the Catholic Church. I'm not like making excuses. just the church, mean, it's businesses and everything. It's everywhere. No place is exempt from it. True. We had the idea of being a cafeteria Catholic presented to us at early on that being, you know, you can't be a cafeteria Catholic where you pick and choose what you want. It's all of it. And we start, we were of that mentality.
And then we started thinking about it and it was like, wow, you know what? No, I want to be a cafeteria. As soon as I started owning my power to say, wait, we had things start happening where we had switched churches at one point because of the poor leadership at one church, went to another church and the pastor had made a comment during one of his homilies about
Vicki Dau (11:46.38)
that his mother was being cared for by him and his siblings in their home because they weren't gonna dump her in a nursing home. At that point, his mom was in- Assisted living. A memory care assisted living and my mom was in assisted living. I was like, dump her. Hmm, that's an interesting thing. And I took the high road. thought, you know what? And we didn't dump, I mean, that was a difficult time of life because even though our
our mothers were in those two facilities, our involvement with them and the things we still needed to do was a lot of effort. Right. And so I thought, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and I thought, you know what, I don't know that he meant to say that. And so I caught him after church and I said, Hey father, I don't know if you realize you said this, this way, and I'm guessing you have more masses tomorrow. And if you repeat the same thing, you might offend a lot of people.
And I said, know, you use the term dumped in a nursing home. And he goes, you know, I don't have time for this right now. I have to be somewhere. He totally brushed me off and shut it down. Shut it down. And I was like, you know what? OK. But it was a good it was a good lesson for me because I thought, hmm, he's just a man who has a human who has an opinion. That's all he is. I don't give a crap.
that it's called a homily.
that it's coming from a priest. In the past I would have been like, the priest said that, you know. Like we better re-examine what we're doing and all that kind of stuff. So it got me, it got me thinking, and actually it was a gift, because it helped me start to take my power back and not just have given it away and be like, you know what, I'm gonna go and I'm gonna listen to every single homily with yes I agree, no I don't. There was another priest
Vicki Dau (13:46.094)
that he had a cadence issue during mass and he would throw in different cadences when we're doing community prayer. So like a domineering thing, a very, it was a power trip. You could tell like he's gonna control it and he's gonna change it up and throw people off. And it's like, you know what, if you were married, your wife would say, knock that shit off. But it's almost like,
They're not accountable to anybody. And so there was a lot of things that started happening. We held them accountable, didn't we? We did. We did. And so now it's been quite a journey of allowing me to be responsible for what I believe, which actually it's how it should be.
Vicki Dau (14:42.606)
Chug it. Chug, chug, chug, chug.
Vicki Dau (14:53.55)
So now the way we operate with church, so here's kind of what happened in a real nutshell. Some of our kids start experimenting with non-denominational churches and they've really found some that they like. They invited us to come. We went to a few, but we just weren't comfortable. is... It wasn't bad. It was just not our style. Just not our style. Right. But it was wonderful for them because they were worshiping and loving the same God. Right. And so...
What we have decided to is participate with a protected soul. I guess I'll say it like that. we just now are making decisions even because there's a priest at the parish that we're at right now. He's older and has no filter. That's pretty political. And he gets political during the mass and what he'll make. His opinions. Yes. Which do not rub me properly. And it's not the place.
It's not the place. So what we decided to do, they will print who's going to celebrate the mass, like in the bulletin, the upcoming. And if we notice he's gonna be there, we make other arrangements. And so it's kind of like, it feels good. It's- And you can do that. That's our point, right? Yeah. You can do that. It's okay. Yeah. It's okay. And it's enjoyable because you know what? I've made so many changes in my life with my healing.
The other worship experience that we had like at a non-denominational church, I was just not comfortable with it. And I felt like I was being pushed to be comfortable. And I do like me personally, I like being at the Catholic church. We're starting to meet the people around us now at the place we're at and first name basis and wave in for people we see week after week. And it's becoming a real home. However, we have a protector.
I have a protected soul. have a protected soul. We ourselves protected. We're not tolerating what we would have tolerated. I remember walking into way, way, way long ago when I was a girl and I saw that one of the priests that I didn't like, he was going to do the mass. He was all had his vestments on and everything. We were walking in and I remember walking in and I saw him standing there and I, and I was like, Oh, I don't like him. I turned around.
Vicki Dau (17:21.038)
and started walking away. And my mother grabbed me and she goes, you get in there. Like you're not allowed to not like somebody, you tolerate everything. You embrace everything. Embrace everything. Yeah. That was her teaching to you. Yeah. Is you embrace it Yeah. So now I'm unlearning. I'm unlearning. There you go. And so what I discovered is I find myself being way less judgmental.
I feel way more tolerant and loving of people. And just so you know, as Vicki's saying these things, she's saying it in the eye for herself, but it is something that is us. So she's not speaking, she's speaking for herself, but it's us, we're both doing this together. I'm doing the same thing and it's definitely teamwork. It's a cool thing because we are united.
like every aspect and this is a big one. how we're discerning all this together to make the right choices and support It's actually really powerful, thank you, because it's really beautiful that I have done so much work to keep myself open and healing that I can have a conversation with him and that we
Vicki Dau (18:35.778)
We're able to be close with this. Now, not saying that you have to agree on everything, but it's really helpful when you are partnered. Because our Saturday night, we've got a half an hour drive now to go to Mass. We're still Saturday night people. And to have an hour of driving time where we're just being with each other.
And then we worship and then oftentimes we'll go out to dinner after and then come home. And we'll reflect on what we just experienced right times, which is just right. It's just another depth of our relationship. And it's another depth of the spirituality part of it because we're not just going and leaving. We're going, we're leaving and we're talking. Hey, what just happened? What do you think about what just went on a in there? Have any thoughts? You know that kind of a thing. So we grow on it. It's a really cool dynamic to our relationship that.
In the beginning, I don't know that we prayed together, together in the beginning, and we started doing that and it was uncomfortable. But what we did is we now here's one time where we did push through the uncomfortableness until it became comfortable. We pray all the time together at night. So this is something I'll give you an invitation. We before meals and then we pray. Go ahead. We pray before we go to bed and we take turns.
So I'll say, it my turn to pray? sometimes, and sometimes if one of us is in a bad way, the other one will do it. There are certain nights when we don't, one of us has already fallen asleep or whatever it is. But I would say, would you say 90, 95 % of each night we do pray together before we go to bed. It's, and here's, here's, I don't know, take this for what it's worth.
We always pray with thank yous because there's also some brain work in that and what do you call that? psychology, even within the prayer of, I'll give you an example. like, know, dear God, thank you for a beautiful day today Thank you for the weather. Thank you for the experiences. We might get specific.
Vicki Dau (20:55.446)
And then instead of praying for something, we thank God for it already happening. So we'll say, thank you God that all of our kids are healthy and safe. Thank you God that the events of tomorrow that we have to take care of are going to go in a perfect way. Are already there. I often say that it exceeds my expectations because I like to be surprised or to be wowed.
But I love saying thank you for the abundance that is already here. That thank you for the way that
The rehearsal dinner is going to play out. We got a wedding coming up soon. thank you that everything works out for the rehearsal dinner. Not, please God, let it work out. It's thank you that it has. so I don't know if that might be something that you'd like to try. Gratitude attitude never fails. Yeah. So we're kind of doing that with God that I do believe that God has a plan of sheer goodness for us.
for you. And so if that's anything that can be
Vicki Dau (22:19.16)
taken into your heart a little bit that perhaps things have played out or God can bring good out of anything. Because here's the other thing that's kind of... God will bring good out of everything. True. He will. But some like you know depending on what your experience was how did God let that happen? How could he let that happen? There's I don't really have an answer for that other than he gave everybody free will.
So there's people that are using their free will not in a good way and that does affect us, but God can bring good out of that if we let him. And I feel like...
there's horrible situations obviously that happen all the time. But, and for me the challenge is, but I welcome the challenges, is kind of twofold. It's somewhere in there, somewhere in there or coming out of it, there is going to be a way to give God glory. And no matter what the circumstances, the horrible situations that went on with Vicki for instance,
When we get done looking at a situation that was difficult or bad, we finish it with, okay, when our mind is a little clear and we've gotten out of the sourness of it, we look back and we say, you know what, somewhere in there there's a gift. What's the gift that we can take out of that occurrence, that event, that thing that happened? We just had that happen in the beginning of this podcast when I said, perhaps it...
I didn't use the word gift, maybe it was a gift that I was asked to speak about hope because I needed to do the research on that. And you guys, that happened when I was like 20 years old. That just occurred to me now. So, yeah. So I am thankful that
Vicki Dau (24:27.072)
if you're open.
Vicki Dau (24:32.046)
to any sort of spiritual experience that can help you on your journey because if it's just us, I feel like it can be maybe hopeless at times or seem hopeless. But if I know that there's a higher power.
that it's all going to be okay. It'll all work out. It will always work out.
That gives me hope. And so when it's really hard and I'm struggling like today, earlier today, was rough. I don't know if you could see my eyes, I cried a lot earlier. To just be speaking to you guys about this helps me in the truth that God is a good God and that he wants the best for me.
for us, for our family.
That's a lot to hold on to. share some of our thoughts. And if you like this video, give it a thumbs up. Subscribe to our YouTube channel if you're over, if you happen to see this episode on YouTube, because that helps us know which videos you like and what we, what you'd like to hear more of. We'd love to hear from you comments, whatever it is, good, bad and different, whatever. We'd love to hear what your thoughts are on the subject.
Vicki Dau (26:03.176)
or you have questions because then we can answer them in a future podcast. that good? Good job baby. So until next time this is Tom and Vicki embracing love and fostering hope. that's exactly what we were talking about. my gosh. How about that?
All right.
